Exchanging Queens: Over Mecca

Bibi: Hey Salman, I thought I told you personally. I instructed our shoe-shine boy in Washington to cosy up to Iran - behind your back. We inked a deal with the mother of all Shiites.

Salman: So, I heard, Mr Netanyahu. WTF, I don't believe this!

Bibi: C'mon, Salman, stop whining.  

Salman: On your orders, Mr Netanyahu, I shelled the crap out of the Shiites in Yemen, bombed their mosques in Iraq, and beheaded them in Syria. Now, you are kissing up to the mother of all Shiites. You've put me in a spot, to say the least. Even our ISIS fellows are confused as to who the enemy is.

Bibi: Salman, I understand your consternation, given your Arab League, is dubbed the Arab Zionist League. Try to understand my position. I'm just following the protocols - I have no choice. At the least, and despite my best poker face, I don't think it's a clever idea to 'exchange queens' now.

Salman: You're following a protocol? I thought you were the Don, and what do you mean by exchanging queens? This is making me nervous.

Bibi: Relax, Sal; I hear you're a straight-up JD-man. I'd love to cut a cigar with you over a tipple, but we can't blow your cover now, can we! As regards my job description, I'm a true-blue Zionist ideologue, and Zionism is the ideology I am subservient. In a sense, I am a goddamn servant instead of a Don. Do you think I like being dubbed a servant? It's a dirty job, but it is my turn to carry the can.

Salman: Mr Netanyahu, with due respect, I must say that Zionism is some scary shit. I mean, you guys took Palestine' legally' and kept expanding 'your' territory. You, fellas, are the most brilliant real-estate men I know.

Bibi: Cynical, aren't we. Don't push it, Sal. I have a short fuse.

Salman: I apologize for the slip, Mr Netanyahu, but I wonder what you mean by exchanging your queens. I don't quite understand.

Bibi: We all know the Persians invented chess, but did you know we perfected poker? Let's just say, given historically, the Safavids allied with the Jews to shaft the Muslims, we offered Iran a plum too juicy to decline. And the Iranians have agreed to withhold their 'justified' anger against your august House of Saud for killing Shiites in Yemen, Iraq, Syria, and elsewhere.

Salman: But Mr Netanyahu, we were only following your orders.

Bibi: A good poker player at a chess game is a dangerous hybrid. It's akin to Steve Vai playing arpeggios for a living. He is bound to be a hit. He will have no competition because of the 'Frankenstein' he creates.

Salman: But Mr Netanyahu, how does that relate to "exchanging queens?"

Bibi: For a poker player, exchanging queens has nothing to do with his opponent, simply because he trades his queens when he has 'neutralized' his opponent. Let's just say when we flag off the measured Shiite anger against your House of Saud, it will be the old Karbala all over again. Do you get my drift, Salman?  

Salman: Diabolically brilliant! Karbala II is around the corner. Your queens, Mr Netanyahu, are the Sunni (House of Saud) on the one hand and the Shiite (Iran) on the other; having 'neutralized' both, you will 'exchange' them in a slugfest over the main prize, Mecca. It's the old divide-and-rule at another level.

Bibi: Elementary, Salman! Although the relationship between Jews and Persians dates back a good five centuries vis-a-vis a century between Arabs and Persians, and even if we regard Iran as the only historical cousin of Israel, don't worry, Salman, I have your back. The Protocols (of the Elders of Zion) for your revision are in your mail.

Words: - Tommy Peters